You Current Estimated Wait Time is....

My job involves a lot of phone calls. Yes to clients, but also to mortgage companies, underwriters, service departments & banks. I sell insurance - and yes, I love my job. I get to help people protect themselves from everyday, unplanned risks. And I can make that last statement with full truth & belief because I DO NOT sell things that the person on the other side of my desk doesn't need. best insurance lady right here folks!

There is of course one downside to my dream job - hold times. My phone calls are always greeted with a very caring, eager, automated women telling me that I'm very important (stroking my ego) and that they cannot wait to help me - but alas, all representatives are busy at the moment. sigh "Your estimated wait time is 10 years"... double sigh They build you up just to tear you down.

..but mrs. butterworth, i just want the other dogs to like me..

Today I had the opportunity to be on hold for 9 minutes, only for the, what I'm sure is Rookie of the Year, rep to pick up the phone & then disconnect us. Are you kidding me? 

I called back. 11 more minutes of elevator music. "To speak to a representative immediately - Press 2 to give your soul. Press 3 to give your firstborn child over to carnies."

 

..i'll take good care of your boy. fred here's still alive..

As I waited, I thought of all the other things I world rather be doing than wait on hold.


1)  wash tupperware: I hate plastic tupperware. And why does tomato sauce stain the sucker?? I could have chicken dinner left in there for over a month - growing a colony of fuzzies in the back of my fridge, but if tomato sauce is in there for a hour I gotta bleach & pressure wash that stupid piece of plastic until my fingers bleed.

..false advertisement..

2)  read the autobiography of Paris Hilton (and/or Perez Hilton): they're related, right? Young adult using their family's hard earned cash to live the life of luxury & exploit others with a delicate smile. (they're related, right?)

..will the real Mario Armando Lavanderia Jr. please raise your hand?..

3)  lick envelopes: Why is it no one's invented flavored envelopes? The taste of envelopes are discussing. You'd think that the United States Postal Service would sell them to promote snail mail AANNDD end world hunger. Two birds, one stone. I think the top selling flavors would be: pineapple, rum & coke, and bacon. As I scoured the internet to make sure no one was impeding on my new multi-million dollar idea that I'd be taking to Shark Tank, someone already beat me to it. 

..damn you, Scuba Steve..

Well, I guess I'll just stay a poor married person & enjoy the classical music. 

xo,